Revise the attached essay using the critiques in the description

Revise the attached essay using the critiques in the description

our job is to perform a substantial revision of one of your four major writing assignments so far this term. (Choose an assignment that you did not already revise for your first Revision Project.) Use your classmates’ feedback and the rhetorical concepts you have learned so far as guides to enhance your writing. Your ultimate goal is to make your revision into the absolute best piece of writing you can manage. This revision should be closer to achieving its goals and engaging its readers than anything else you have written this semester. Your work on this assignment will set up you up to do an excellent job in the unit 7 Writing Portfolio, which is the culmination of your work this term. To complete this assignment, you will need first to select the major writing assignment that you will revise. Then, post your draft to this unit’s Peer Review assignment for peer response. Use your classmates’ feedback to begin revision. If your peer reviewers have done a good job, you will have plenty to work with! You should also use all relevant feedback from your instructor as a guide to revision. This assignment requires significant revision. That means that it will not be enough to simply edit your punctuation, run spellcheck, add a quotation or two, and come up with a new title. So, if you aren’t simply editing your prose, what should you be doing in revision? This is where the rhetorical concepts that you’ve learned in class so far will help. In addition to learning about the rhetorical triangle, genre, arguments, framing sources, and using the three appeals, this unit you will investigate the rhetorical concept of kairos, which is a sense of timeliness. Use these concepts, along with your classmates’ feedback, to guide your revision. Good luck revising! COVER LETTER: When you submit this assignment, include a brief cover letter (no more than 300 words) that answers the following questions: What are the most significant changes you have made to this piece of writing? Why did you make these changes? What peer feedback was most helpful? Why? What instructor feedback did you incorporate into your revision? How has this piece of writing evolved from its original purpose or goal? Would you say that the message is the same, or has it changed in some way? The critiques– Your essay was very insightful and knowledgeable but, I struggled reading it. You could have made the readers more interested in reading the material. This writing was very repetitive, hard to follow, had minor errors, and it was dragged out when it could have easily been summed up. Reading your story was challenging because I feel as if the delivery could have been better than how it was presented. The reason I think it was repetitive is because not only did you use the same words but you also said the same information constantly. Which is the reason for it being dragged out. You could have used different verbiage or more cites to help you along the way to meet whatever minimum word count. You also could have used more examples to prove why you feel as if Wikipedia was a useful. What works in this piece is that you have facts and information that you can use, it just that you need to use them more throughout the story and not all at one time. For example, you can cite something and then speak on it for a brief minute before you cite something else. Your purpose was to persuade the audience into thinking that Wikipedia is a good and quick site to use for “what now” purposes. I would like to give you props because we all have to speak about Wikipedia and what our argument was about it. This is a subject that is harder to explain, so it will be more of a challenge to mention more than what was already talked about previously. I feel as if your essay was a great start because of the fact that it requires more time and thinking for this topic and that is because it is not that much to talk about besides just the obvious things like, it was quicker, reliable, and simpler to use. Needless to say, I did enjoy your essay overall. I feel as if it could have been a strong writing.