Good work! On parenthetical citations, consult: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/02/ The paper needs some cleanup. Read through it a couple times, out loud, then have a second set of eyes take a look. Consult: https://undergrad.stanford.edu/tutoring-support/hume-center/resources/student-resources/grammar-resources-writers/top-twenty-errors-undergraduate-writing You have a basic thesis in your intro, but I think you might want to re-word it. I was confused, especially by the idea of “rich recreational and identification cultures”… Also: I think you can flesh it out a bit more. Include not just the “what” but also the “how” and the “why.” The rest of your essay should be a systematic attempt to defend that proposition. Feel free to send me a revised thesis for critique anytime. 2-3 more pages need to be added to this assignment and this needs to be completed by July 16th.