All of us have sometimes struggled to connect with other people at one point or the other, and for some people, this may be a destructive or a perpetual problem. Differing core values and cultural attributes are some of the contributing elements that hurt our ability to communicate effectively. The person that I will be discussing in this assignment is my neighbor. Sometimes we find ourselves arguing over issues. The reason why communication becomes difficult when speaking with this neighbor is the fact that we all like arguing. Sometimes, as we are communicating, difficult unplanned communication arises on the spur of the moment, this fuels anger and in some extreme causing aggression. We are best friends, but sometimes, we face this difficulty in communication. The emotional trigger that comes into the play of my friend is that she reacts with anger and fear, then quickly rationalize her behavior to make sense. On the other hand, I lose courage and respond in a way that could hurt our relationship.
My neighbor and I have different core values and cultural attribute. I, therefore, guess that these could be the key contributors to our communication habits. Bearing in mind that, I was raised in a Confucianism religion where the central teachings are propriety/etiquette, loyalty, and filial piety, along with strict adherence to social roles, I always considered myself as a moral person. My parents were also strict observers of religion and, therefore, we had to follow the footsteps as the kids. In our faith, we are always taught about good ethics such as avoiding taking drug abuse, alcohol or any other immoral practices. On the hand, my friend was raised in the streets where there are little or no ethics. Sometimes they used to take drugs while in the streets. Sometimes, in the streets, if the parents are not cautious, a child may develop bad ethics. I guess this could be the cause of the bad communication habits between my friend and I. The common attribute between the two of us is that we are agemates, born the same year, and also work in the same place. I feel the different background, and cultural attributes affect our communication habits.
Some of the communication habits that I have with this person are; using quantifiers. When we are talking about a particular topic, and an argument arises. My friend usually stares at me and point me and says “Hey no, don’t take this personally, but…”; or sometimes she says “I know what you are thinking, but…” when my friend speaks to me this way, it triggers me emotional and raises anxiety levels. I think this happens because of the way she stares and points at me ruthlessly. Therefore, my response to her frequent verbal and nonverbal reaction is to say “I think you are arguing like a fool.” This makes our communication relationship more terrible.
I would like to change the communication relationship with this neighbor; this is because lack of proper communication is fatal to our relationships. Although she is my neighbor, she is also my friend and my workmate. I feel that if we fail to change the communication relationship, our relationship will die with time. Lack of proper communication in any relationship may it be to your neighbor or at work can cause misunderstanding. I feel that we need to nurture our relationship with this friend for its growth; this will be possible through changing the communication relationship.
Adler, R. B., Rosenfeld, L. B., & Proctor, R. F. (2013). Interplay: The process of interpersonal communication. New York: Oxford University Press.
Page, D. (2009). Servant empowered leadership: A hands-on guide to transforming your organization. Langley, BC: Power to Change.