Why Dating is a Situation Ripe for Bullshit

Why Dating is a Situation Ripe for Bullshit

Frankfurt is right in holding the opinion that dating is a ripe situation for bullshit. Bullshit is defined in the sense that the speaker already knows the truth and how it would affect the respondent but rather, he decides to avoid it objectively and instead spread lies. In the speaker’s perception or argument, this is the only way that they can get their claim accepted or deemed to be valid. On the other hand, the respondent might already know the truth, but they also chose to listen to the lies and perceive the lies to be true just because they appeal to what they want to feel and think. In this case, they think that what the speaker is saying is true as per their perception and therefore they are truthful in what they are saying. This is a common issue in dating, and it’s ultimate bullshit.

Frank Furth offers a detailed description of bullshit and the distinction between bullshit and lies. He terms bullshit as being a disconnection with reality. Nonetheless, he infers that bullshit is unavoidable as it is evident in most human interactions. Bullshit arises in cases where there is a need to exploit different opportunities such as job interviews and dating. It rises in setting when people believe they are in connection with the truth. There is an indication that both liars and bullshiting has similar elements. It is worth noting that both bullshiters and lairs are seen as having the belief that they are telling the truth. Secondly, they are driven by the desire to walk away with something.

However, there is an equal need to note that they also have some differences. Contrary to bullshiters, liars are explained as engaging in conscious lying and often attempt to hide the truth despite knowing it. While liars accept the disparities between falsehood and truth, they often engage in activities that promote the spreading of lies. It is through understanding the traits of bullshiters that one can examine bullshit in dating. In the case of bullshiters, Frankfurt explains that there are unconscious of lying. Additionally, they tend to reject the distinction between fallacy and truth. Based on these descriptions, bullshiting can be defined as being the act of faking or bluffing. There is the view that bullshiting has devastating impacts as compared to lying. Other than not knowing the truth, bullshiters have no concern for truth. A person who is lying may be viewed as responding to truth. It holds that in a situation where an honest individual speaks the truth, it is possible to pinpoint lies.


There is always the fear of being rejected or hurting the other persons feeling in the mind of the speaker. If they say the truth, there are high chances that they would be rejected which would in return adversely hurt their feelings. The end therefore always justifies the lies. Telling their loved ones the truth might also hurt their feelings as what is said might come out as not concerned nor caring. In order to avoid this, one is forced to lie so that the partner feels secure and is relieved of the hurt. Additionally, during the wooing period, each party often comes with expectations, and they would always want to see their expectation met lest the relationship does not continue or even start. With prior knowledge of what the other party wants or expects, one is always forced to present facts in line with those expectations. This is a guarantee that they will have their plight considered and even further negotiations enhanced. Note however that the truth is always clear and open, but the parties decide not to consider them. Lies are sometimes perceived as a relief for quite the majority since they think that what they are being told is true in the perception of the speaker. The truth, however, is that the speaker already knows the truth and is therefore just avoiding it in order not to hurt the feelings of their partner.

This comes out as stupid, and in this case, it justifies Frankfurt opinion of terming the situation as bullshit. For instance, how long is the person supposed to maintain the lie while the other party holds the opinion that what is said is true and will continue to remain so? Some situations like for example income levels cannot be lied for long as they will reveal themselves in the long run. Similarly, lying to a partner that she is not fat just because she wants to hear it may soon create problems as other people out the relationship will start noticing and speaking it out. For them, they have nothing to lose and therefore speaking the truth is what they go for. As this happens, there are chances that conflict would always result as each party will think they were deceived yet they already knew what to expect or rather, they had a preconceived notion of the truth which they decided to avoid.


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